Are You Raising Your Kids?

Early in my career, one of my colleagues announced on the arrival of his first child that he and his wife were going to RAISE their baby.  His wife was quitting her job to take care of his daughter. When I pressed him for what he meant by that five letter word, he scrunched his round face into a grimace and uttered an explanation that intimated that I was less than a fit mother because I worked.  He didn’t stop there. My choices were cheating myself and my kids since they were in day care for eight hours a day.   I was shocked.  And appalled.   Did he really believe that? 

The question of  whether working women can be a great mothers has been a heated topic worthy of debate in many classrooms and kitchens and bars across our nation.  My take is happy mother, happy  home.  If it makes the Mom happy to work, she should.  It if makes her happy to be home full-time with her ward, than so be it.  It is about making choices that fit a lifestyle.  It is not about what other people think or doing what your mother-in-law thinks you should do.  I say screw that.  Take charge and create the life you want to lead, working or not.  My colleague chose a rude way to express his displeasure with my choices,  yet it did make me think.   I did want to be a great mother.  It compelled me to make career choices that supported both.

The reality of being a mommy snuck into my brain slowly over time as the demands of my work and children increased.  Parenting became the hardest job I had ever signed up for and it did not seem likely that quitting was an option.  Sometimes, I think I lost months to lack of sleep and stress.  I should have, could have and would have worked less if I could go back.

In reflection, (which is what you do in old age) I would have spent more time with my kids. They grew up fast even though I was warned and didn’t believe you.  I wish I had figured out how to make more money and work fewer hours.  Research shows that the best adjusted children come from homes where the mother works part-time.  Once I left work full-time, I found out that my kids needed me more than ever.  Most everyone thinks the hardest part of having a child is when they are infants.  It is not the diapers and the bottles.  It is the teenage years and entering adulthood.

So anyway, this blog is dedicated to that five foot six, arrogant ass who was bully enough to say I wasn’t raising my kids.  I want to thank you for your judgment.  It made me re-think my choices and work just a little bit less when my kids were around.  Back then I didn’t want to be accused of NOT raising my kids.

Now it all seems like a dream.  A memory from another life time.  Now……. it just doesn’t matter.